My God is so big...

Yesterday was my birthday; but, for the most part, it was not a "happy" one.
I was still in a lot of pain from the weekend. I mean a lot of pain. I had to apologize to my mom for how ridiculous I was acting. But my back and muscles hurt so badly. I didn't think I was going to be able to go and eat with them. I missed prayer group. I didn't know if I would get to see Brigitte either. But all I could think about at the time was the pain.
I turned the shower on steaming hot and that numbed it for a while, but then when I got out, it was worse all over again. I tried to calm down for a while, but it got to hurting worse than anything (I sound like a wimp, I know, but I really don't understand what was wrong with me; I've just never ached like that before). So I got back in the shower to numb it all over again. I had been crying out to God, "Please help me!" But in the shower, I calmed down, I got down on my knees, and I began to pray.
But I want to talk about some things that came to mind before I prayed. Namely, satan came in and began to bargain for my release from suffering. He told me to remember that he also has a lot of power. He told me that if I will cry out to him instead of to God, that he will cure me instantly. He promised that then I would be able to live the rest of the day normally. He promised a lot that sounded really good.
You know, I believe that satan probably does have the power to deliver us from suffering and dismay. But right there and then, I looked at him and then turned to God and said, "I would rather spend the rest of my life in pain and anguish and yet be in Your presence than to call out to him and live in luxury." Satan really didn't have much to offer. He seeks the temporary; God seeks the eternal. I call upon God's name and God's name alone. So that's just what I did.
The Bible teaches that, with faith in His answering, God can do miracles when we pray. I worked up the courage and faith and asked for healing. Then I slowly turned off the shower, and didn't know what to expect. The pain came back, I won't lie. It wasn't as bad as before, but it was back. But I kept on begging, "Help my unbelief;" I kept on begging, "Please, God, please." You wanna' know something? The pain never went away. But He still answered my prayer.
Here's how: Paul once prayed that "the thorn in his flesh" (whatever it may have been) be removed from him. And he petitioned the Lord three times about it. But God said, "My grace is sufficient. My power is perfected in your weakness." He healed me somewhat, but the main healing was from the strength that He gave me to endure. He taught me that my God is bigger than my pain.
What more, I am mindful of the scourging Jesus faced, and my pain could only have been a glimpse to His. But He silently endured out of love for His people. I praise God that He was strong. And I praise God because He teaches me to be strong.

How Great is our God!

That's the title of a song that I have really found myself identifying with lately. It speaks of the wonder and awesomeness of our Lord; every word is true. We serve a King that is amazing in every way. And that's really what my blog is about today.
I really have found myself not enjoying life at all from time to time. Certain things are going on in life that are just beckoning me to fret over them, and that creates an overwhelming feeling when mixed with daily struggles of sin. That's exactly what satan wants me to feel: overwhelmed. And sometimes he does a mighty good job of it. I was really trying to talk to God last night but it was just tough. This morning, I just felt horrible and I really wanted to be in His embrace, but I had no idea how.
One thing that was really troubling me was that I didn't know how to express my feelings to the Master. I want to do better, and I want to have a pure heart and focus, but lately my actions and attitudes haven't displayed that as positively as I would like. But then He came in "not in the earthquake, not in the fire," but in a whisper. And He said: I understand.
Isn't that great about our God? He understands! If time were infinite and I had millions of words to pour out, I still couldn't express myself to God as deeply as I'd need to. But He understands anyway. Better than that, He understands my thoughts better than I do myself. And even better than that, He understands them before I even have them. Psalm 139 says it beautifully, "You are intimately acquainted with all of my ways... You understand my thoughts from afar."
But the whisper from the gentle spirit that helped me most said, "Let go."

"Seek first the kingdom of God and righteousness, and all of these things will be added unto you... Come unto Me, all you who are weary... Trust in God, trust also in Me."
~ Jesus

"Let go of the girl. Let go of the family. Let go of the obligations of the day. Let go of the mistakes of the past. Let go of the room. Let go of the house. Let go of the earth. Let go of space. Let go..."
Let go until I have let go of everything, and it is just me and God. It's just me and God! Nothing else mattered excpet being one with my Father, knowing that He understood my whole heart. And that was a good feeling at first, but also very humbling. He is holy and I am not; it is terrifying to be in His presence. But praise be to God for Jesus Christ who justifies, and more than that, who sanctifies. Our God is awesome! Don't forget it!